Instant Gratification

That's me. Terrible as it is to admit it. It's hard for someone like me to have goals because we just end up living for the moment we reach them rather than for the moment we're in, the present. It's an enormous pressure we put on ourselves and a constant delay of happiness. I think of something and I have to make it happen right there and then. It's tough, man. Gotta get it together. 

But it's not a happy one

A month from now I'll be moving to another country. It took me years to make that decision but you see, I fooled myself into thinking what I had was enough. And it isn't. I spent 7 years of my life making this home, building a safe haven, and when you put so much of yourself into something you will not let it go without a fight. And then, one night, chatting with my best friend on Skype, she insisted I should move countries and I replied with a "but this is my safe haven!". She then spoke the words that would change the course I was in. "But it's not a happy one!", she said, now crying with frustration. You know your friends really care if they cry for you and you've still got a pulse. At the same time it was a huge blow. I thought I must really be in the shit if my friends are crying for me... within me, the decision to leave was made the second after she spoke. Thank you, Lou.

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The Song

Leonard Cohen has this song called Anthem and it's a masterpiece, lyrics wise. Google one day. For now I will leave you with the part of the song that speaks the most to me and to the majority of those that know it.

So it's like this, I've come full circle in my life, a new beam of light is peeking through the dispersing clouds and it feels apt. This imperfect offering, from me to no one in particular, to the Universe if you will, feels apt.